


Motherland

by BearisonFord



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Drabble Collection, F/F, F/M, I really should work on finishing this, M/M, Natalie Merchant, She will burn this place to the ground, Work In Progress, Young me was a better writer than older me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-08 13:57:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3211685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BearisonFord/pseuds/BearisonFord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Character one shots inspired by the Natalie Merchant album Motherland.  Who knows what could be going on in here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This House Is On Fire

**Author's Note:**

> This was started in November of 2003. I decided to pick it back up after ending my writing hiatus. The first four one shots were from the 2003-2006 time period. Anything beyond that is new.

_This house is on fire!_  
Kick off your boots, come sit a spell.  
Listen to me worry, come and listen well.  
All you better best come and lean in boys, I don't dare raise my voice.  
I've been sitting here for the longest time reading all the warning and the danger signs.  
I don't have the gift of the prophecy, telling everybody how it's going to be.

The stars made the flames look so very romantic, almost intoxicating, so she stood there and watched her greatest achievement proudly. The scent of roses intermingled with the smoke. It symbolized the beginning of a new life, a new era, a time where she will no longer be chased by the past. It was now a time where He had no control over anyone. A truly joyful occasion.

_Soon come, soon come the day this tinderbox is gonna blow in your face._  
I don't have the gift of the prophesy, telling everybody how it's going to be.  
You go passing wrong for right and right for wrong  
People only stand for that for just so long.

It began to get colder out, forcing her to pull her jacket closer. It was odd actually.  Even though her common sense was kicking in, telling her to find a place to stay, the burning buildings still held a strong grip on her, urging her to walk towards the flames.  Shaking her head as if to clear it she took a step backwards, defying the call.  It would be ruins soon and the grip will be gone.

_It's all gonna catch like a house on fire, spark an evil blaze and burn higher._  
Well, I don't have the gift of the prophesy, telling everybody how it's going to be.  
You go passing wrong for right and right for wrong  
People only stand for that for just so long.

With a deep breath she turned around and began to walk away. The day's excitement was beginning to wear off and she was starting to feel the fatigue kick in. Yet she would not complain. It was a self gratifying feeling in its own way. It wasn't as if she had never felt fatigue like this before, oh no. She had been physically and mentally exhausted several times in the past couple of weeks, let alone the last couple of months. Yet those were for reasons she did not want to think off.  

She decided right then and there that she was going to ignore the memories that she held of the place. People, places, events...it would all be gone after tonight. The rare thing or two that she would keep in both mind and heart were forever gone, due to this now ruined place. But she more than made up for their losses.

_I don't have the gift of the prophesy, telling everybody how it's going to be._  
There's a wild fire catching in the whip of the wind  
That could start a conflagration like there has never been.  
This house is on fire!

Ohtori Academy lay in ruins, the flames making it look like the Hell it truly was.


	2. Motherland

_Where in the hell can you go far from the things that you know_

_Far from the sprawl of concrete that keeps crawling its way about 1,000 miles a day?_

As Utena walked off down the road, letting the sound of her sneakers hitting the pavement bring her to a zoned out state, her mind lingered on something someone had told her once.   _"Take one last look behind, commit this to memory and mind. Don't miss this wasteland,_ _this terrible place. When you leave keep your heart off your sleeve."_ In her mind truer words could not be spoken.

They all knew Ohtori was a horrible place, but they stayed. Each had their own twisted reasons to continue at the elite academy and she was no different. She could have left.  From the very beginning she had the choice to leave it all behind her and she was going to! Oh how she was going to. She had thought it through and was set to do it.

She was challenged.

She prepaired to lose.

They dueled.

She won.

Why? Why after saying she would lose, did she win? It wasn't for Her. No, it was for him.  Utena didn't want him to be treated rudely. So she told herself and Her and the time.

Though she was given a second chance to leave it all behind, after having the responsibility of the duels taken away from her, she made her position concrete.

She challenged

They dueled.

She won.

Why did she attempt to go back? It wasn't him this time, it was Her. She was her twisted reason to stay, no matter what she tried to say otherwise.

_Motherland cradle me, close my eyes, lullaby me to sleep._

 

It bugged her. Everything bugged her. Why was she allowing herself to be pulled into the game deeper? Why did she let Touga get to her so much? True she was shocked at such princely claims, but what got her the most was the waning desire for her prince she now felt.  Utena rolled onto her back on her top bunk and clasped her hands behind her head with a sigh.  Everything was confusing and it was only eighth grade! She feared what nineth grade would bring.  Though she did know that she would like her close friend there whenever her nineth grade troubles began.

"Anthy?" She asked quietly, not expecting a reply this late at night. "You awake?"

A ruffling of sheets and a stiffled yawn proved her wrong. A questioning yes was the sleepy reply. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

"No, it's alright." A lie probably, but Utena was not going to object to what Anthy said this late at night.

"I..." Utena paused for a moment, not sure what to actually say. What was it she wanted to say anyways? She followed the plaster swirls on the ceiling in thought, almost able to feel Anthy's eyes on the bottom of her bunk.

"Is there something wrong?"

Utena thought for a second on that. No, nothing was wrong at the exact second, but a lot of things were wrong, in her opinion. Yet, this moment they shared wasn't one of those things.

"Keep me safe, lie with me, stay beside me don't go. Don't you go," Utena said softly after another brief moment, not really intending for Anthy to hear.

"What did you say Utena-sama?”

"Er...nothing Anthy. Just rambling. Actually just forget I said anything to begin with."

"...Oh..." A pause. "Goodnight Utena-sama.”

"Goodnight Anthy.”

 

"Oh, my five dime queen tell me what have you seen? The lust and the avarice, the bottomless, cavernous greed, is that what you see?"

They both sat at the table, each with a cup of tea. Utena idly stirred the contents of her cup while waiting for her answer. She did admitt it was a fairly odd question to ask so early in the morning, but it was the first thing to come to mind and she never was the best at breaking uncomfortable silences.

"I don't think I understand." Anthy took a sip of her tea.

Utena stopped stirring her drink. "What have you seen during your life?"

Green eyes looked at the tea, as if it would bring back memories or give her the answer. "I've seen many things.  It's a part of being the Rose Bride. I may serve but I am also to observe.  In a way, I choose to I guess."

"Oh?" A nod. "So you've seen many things?"

“Everything."

 

_Motherland cradle me, close my eyes, lullaby me to sleep. Keep me safe, lie with me, stay beside me don't go._

 

Utena stood in her pajamas, prepairing to climb up to her bunk as a thought struck her. She looked at her roommate, sitting on her bed, playing with Chuchu. "Um..Anthy?" Both Anthy and Chuchu looked over at her.  "It's your happiness I want most of all and for that I'd do anything at all. If you want the best of it or the most of all, if there's anything I can do at all..."

"I'll remember that Utena-sama. Thank you."

"You're welcome." With that Utena climbed up into her bunk.

 

_Now come on shot gun bride what makes me envy your life?  
Faceless, nameless, innocent, blameless and free, what's that like to be?_

_Motherland cradle me, close my eyes, lullaby me to sleep._   
_Keep me safe, lie with me, stay beside me don't go._   
_Don't go._


	3. Saint judas

_Saddle up the horses and wear your Sunday best._

_Sing your Sacred Harp, you be holier than the rest._

Ohtori, Akio buttoned up his shirt. He was in a particularly good mood.  He had only one more to convince again.  Plans were back in motion, he was still on top, and his sister should be returning home soon.  All was going as he wanted it to.

_Fill up the room with a grand and thunderous song  
Let it rattle out the windows, let it spill out on the lawn._

Akio had made his way to his car and started the engine. The hunt was soon to be on.

_Shout, shout your praises to the man who kissed the Lord  
To the back stabbing brother that betrayed all of this world, your Judas!_

The others had been easy to convince overall. The toughest one had been the leopard. Words alone had not swayed her mind, he was forced to 'other means' to get her to side with him. Akio had to find a way to break her conscious and soul to do so though.

He smiled at the memories.

 

_Yea, though you may walk in the valley in the dark_  
There's no greater evil than the darkness in your heart with your stun guns  
Bloodhounds, needle and your razor wire  
Your nylon shackle whipping post and your high tech burning tire, your Judas!

_Whiplash crack across the back, across the arms and although you bound his feet  
He running fast he running hard_

Miki ran for all his worth. He was not the fastest runner, but he didn't care.  He just wanted to make it, he didn't want to be caught. He didn't want to do it all over again. He just wanted a normal life!

Apparently there is no such thing as normal in Ohtori.

_Through them crickets in the corn and them horses in the field.  
Hear the "caw, caw" of the crows._

The quad was unusually full of people this late at night.  Being forced to push his way through the crowd slowed Miki down considerably. He could hear them commenting on his weird behavior. One girl even asked him what was wrong.  What was wrong?! Couldn't they hear it? Couldn't they see it? Couldn't they see why he was running? The red behemouth. The very devil Himself. Were they blind?!

It was obvious they were, but Miki didn't really blame them. It was better to be blind in Ohtori, than have vision and be cursed.

_See the devil at the wheel y'all, Judas!_

The coolness of the stone sent chills up his spine. He was cornered, squinting at the blinding headlights. Miki slid down to the ground, giving up. There was nothing left he could do. He hanged his head in defeat, panting to catch his breath.

"Now, now Kaoru-san, that's no way to act." The voice was exotic and intoxicating, almost disarming.  "Now I believe we have some business to discuss…"

 

_Go on down to Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Kentucky,  
Florida, Louisiana and Tennessee, Georgia, Carolina, Carolina._


	4. Put The Law On You

_Do I have to put the law on you baby_

_For all the wicked things you do?_

_Am I gonna have to put the law on you baby?_

_That was not what I wanted to do_

 

Originally she started to pursue to him because of all the attention he had given Her. It wasn't right for Her to receive all the attention. What did She have that she didn't? They were both pretty, they where both outgoing (at the time), and they both spent time with him. All three laughed and talked and planned where they would all be years from now...

It had to be the fencing. It just had to be. She had the unfair advantage of that physical contact, that raw fluid emotion between the two, battling for points. The _thrusts,_ the _jerks_ , the _intimacy_ of studying your opponent. They might as well have been having sex right in front of her!

So she had to do something. She just had to.

 

_Do I have to put the law on you baby_

_To try and make you come out clean for every evil deed?_

_You're just about the lowest and the dirtiest thing_

_I've ever seen_

 

She had heard the rumors when the locket first appeared. That he was inside it. She asked her once what was inside it, all the while sitting on his lap. _Is it a family member?_ She asked. No was the answer. _Is it a lock of hair?_ She asked. No was again the answer. _Is it a friend?_ She asked. A pause. No was the answer. _Is it a lover?_ She asked. Silence was the answer. _So a lover!_ She exclaimed. No...not a lover...was the answer, all while She was holding it close, grasped firmly in her hand, as if those long, thin, calloused fingers could hold the precious secret inside.

It was two days after the questioning, sneaking into the locker room while She showered, when she got the answer. Staring at the picture inside the open locket she felt her stomach retch. How could She! How dare She! To think she considered Her a friend at one time!

She heard the shower turn off. Dropping the vile object to the floor she ran out of the locker room. She went home to shower. She felt violated, dirty, and used. To think She thought of her...no, no. She didn't want to actually know what She thought of her or how She thought of her.

She would get Her back for this.

 

_Did you really think you could pull it off_

_The perfect crime, crime of the heart?_

_Do you really think that you'll get away_

_Do the crime and never ever pay?_

 

Originally she started to pursue to him because of all the attention he had given Her. Now her reason was different. It was to prove to Her that she will never be Hers. It would be her silent war against Her. She will let Her sit and suffer. She will bend Her to her needs. She will play Her like she had played him.

 

_Do I have to put the law out on you baby_

_Lock you up and throw away the key_

_For the countless counts of low down double-cross you've been about_

_Have you no decency?_

 

After he was gone she had to find a new way to fight her war. Over the years this had become her main past time. Every time She could possibly find something or someone to occupy Her time with she started to play Her. _Can you come over to help with this project? You have a good eye for fashion...how does this look?_

_You... You... You...Me...Me..._ **_Mine_ ** _..._

She would always just clasp the locket and sigh.

 

_Did you really think that you could pull it off_

_The perfect crime, crime of the heart?_

_Did you really think that you'll get away_

_Escape my justice until your dying day?_

 

There was one afternoon, after the transfer to the prestigious academy (both had gone..she wouldn't let Her leave alone) where She had the courage to say no.

No? She asked. No, I can't help you today was the answer. She drew in closer. No? She asked again, this time leaning in closer to Her ear, lips barely touching strands of hair. ...No...I have something else to do...was the strained answer. She played with Her shoulders, Her upper arm, Her neck. Are you sure? She asked, this time it seemed a little closer, her voice a little quieter, a little more _needing_. You haven't even heard my request…

 

_Though you made it clear from the very start_

_There was no trusting you with my foolish heart_

_Though you maybe made it clear that didn't make it right_

 

Was is it that you want? She asked.

He had handed her the ring that afternoon they arrived. He asked her to do him a favor. He was beautiful and she couldn't say no.

If she couldn't say no, then She couldn't say no.

She played with the clasp of the chain, the cold addition sliding down to rest with the locket.  Prove to me. She said. Prove to me miracles do exist.

The next day She joined the games.

 

_Do you really think you'll get away?_

_You can't escape my justice 'til my dying day_


	5. Build Yourself a Levee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now the new stuff begins.

_When I was just a little girl, my mama said to me:_

_Beware of the devil my child_

_in the dark, rocky places he'll keep._

_Beware of the devil my child,_

_beware of his charming ways._

_You'll fall under an evil spell_

_just looking at his beautiful face._

 

Arisugawa, Juri was the very definition of poise. Raised by two strong professionals (her father in business and her mother in fashion), Juri had learned to keep a picture perfect facade. Rarely did she let her true emotions dance across her face, it was too dangerous.  She had plans to be a public figure, following after her mother perhaps.  She didn’t want shock and scandal to strike.  So, Arisugawa Juri kept everything under lock and key.

 

_You better build yourself a levee deep inside_

 

Her parents were proud when she took up fencing.  It will teach you the steel resolve you need for business, her father would tell her.   It’ll keep you healthy and slender, her mother would say.  She didn’t much care for those reasons.  Juri, in all honesty, picked up fencing due to her competitive spirit.  At least, at first it was because of competition. Though, when looking back at it, her ulterior motives were a different competition all together. 

She was envious of Tsuchiya.  At first Juri was envious of his skill.  How he moved fluidly.  How he found weakness where there was none. How well he excelled at what he did.  But once She appeared, her envy changed. She was now envious of how the one person who’s attention she wanted was given to him.  

Juri never let her envy or her desire be shown.  Instead, she was ashamed of her fear it brought.  Fear of rejection, fear of acceptance, fear of the unknown it brought.  She instead kept a picture of Her in a simple locket she attained one shopping trip, clutching it when she wanted to show the feelings behind that lock and key.

Some time had passed and they had been accepted to Ohtori, Juri under a fencing scholarship and She had obtained some academic miracle (Looking back Juri believed He had everything to do with it).  Shiori asked her to prove the power of miracles.  She wanted to refuse, desperately wanted to refuse, yet she couldn’t.  Juri accepted the ring and clutched her locket.  Curse her fickle heart. 

 

_Don't go walking by the riverside alone in the pale moonlight._

_He'll come up upon you girl with no earthly body in sight_

_Come up on you girl and he'll whisper something sweet_

_And take you where the waters rise so high and run so deep._

 

It had been months since they had entered Ohtori.  Juri had started to earn quite the reputation across the campus.  She was cold, aloof, and took no quarter from student and teacher alike.  The fact that she was now apart of these games that the Student Council seemed to play made her work on her iron mask more so.  She did not trust the president at all.  The vice president was an imbecile.  The secretary, he was to naive, though she had a soft sport for him.  He shouldn’t be a part of these events and she would do her best (or some simile there of) to make sure he came out of this with his pure (well, purer that those on the council) heart.  Juri made sure to take him under her wing on the fencing club.  

One crisp night in late autumn, Juri’s locks began to crack.  She was sitting on the edge of a water fountain, had been sitting there for some time.  Juri was all alone, having enjoyed the peach of the cloudless night sky, looking at the stars.

“Some say that a star is born when a miracle occurs,” purred a voice to dangerously close to her ear.   It sent a shiver down the fencer’s spine.  She quickly turned around to see who was there, but no one was.

“Some say the power of miracles can move the heavens themselves.”  That same voice.  Bodiless and further away this time.  Somewhere in the darkness.  Juri stood up and turned around, looking for the source.

“Is this some sort of game?” Juri said to the Nothingness. “Who are you?”

Laughter to her right, but no one was there.  “Everything is a game.”

“You didn’t answer who you are,” Juri growled.  She disliked a foe she could not see.

“I am Eternity.  I am Miracles. I am a Shining Thing.  And I am the player of the game.”

“I’ve had enough of this.”  Juri turned to leave but the fountain plaza was gone, replaced with the dueling field and the upside down castle that represented everything she was working towards. Juri had yet to have a duel, but she had watched them from afar.

“Do miracles truly exist?”  That same deep voice behind her.  Juri turned around to see Shiori, or at least what looked like Shiori.  It wasn’t her voice she was hearing.  Juri clasped at her locket.

“What kind of sick game are you playing at?”

“Only the sick kind that you desire,” the SHiori look alike said, smiling the whole time.  “I want one thing and you want another.”  Shiori drew closer, laying a hand on Juri’s cheek.  “I can give you what you want.  A miracle.  Our miracle.”  The look alike pulled Juri down for a kiss.

Juri had almost lost herself in the one thing she had wanted most.  She had almost let those emotions out to the surface.  She could feel them battling the cage of her heart.  Pushing Shiori back, she broke off the kiss.  “You’re not Shiori.”

“I could be.”

And then Juri was left back at the fountain, all alone.  More alone than she has been in a while.

 

_You gotta build yourself a levee deep inside_

_Gotta build yourself a levee deep inside_

_Build yourself a levee girl when the waters run high_

 

The next day Juri had received a letter from the Ends of the World.  It was her time.  It was her chance to start disproving miracles.  

The duel was quick, pent up emotion over the fake Shiori serving as her catalyst.  Some would say it was her finest fight, up until Tenjou showing up.

She left the dueling arena with the Rose Bride in tow.  Juri showed no concern towards the girl.  Himemiya was a puppet.  She did not deserve to see any of the hidden Juri.

 

_Now when I was just a little girl, my mama said to me:_

_Beware of the devil my child, but if by chance you should meet_

_Beware of his cold dark eyes, full of bold and unholy deceit_

_He'll tempt you with a whirling pool of lies_

_And promises he'll deny or that he will never keep_

 

Later, after Ruka returned and left, after Shiori went to the Mikage society, after all the in fighting, after all the change, Juri sat with the remnants of the Bride.  She was free of her brother, the Bride would say.  Juri had no trust on that, but Anthy had insisted they talk, stopping in town while searching for the Victor.

“Arisugawa-san, did you ever find what you were looking for?” Anthy had asked, sipping on some tea.  

Juri looked up from her own tea.  “Hrm?  What do you mean?  The power of miracles?  Perhaps.”

Anthy looked at her for a moment, “No, not that.  Did you ever give yourself permission to feel?”

Juri just stared down at her tea.

 

_You gotta build yourself a levee deep inside._

_Build yourself a levee deep inside._

_Build yourself a levee girl when the waters run high._


End file.
